how to properly celebrate this day

To properly celebrate this day, you should have eleven drinks.

Why eleven? Because the United States turns 231 years old today. Twenty-one is the legal drinking age. 231 is eleven times twenty-one.

I'd do it, but I don't hold my liquor that well.

And just think! In 2028, when the U.S. turns 252, you should drink twelve times. And vote fourteen times. Except there will most likely be no election to vote in on that particular day, and voting more than once -- at least at the present writing -- is illegal. May I suggest having sex fourteen times instead, if you live in a state where the age of consent is 18?. If you live in South Carolina, and are female, you should celebrate that day by having sex eighteen times, since the age of consent for females there is fourteen. You could also die for your country fourteen times, but that would hurt, and it would be impossible. Unless you are one and two-thirds cats.